As I'm rocking out in my Jazz jersey (#26 of course) while listening to them pound on Denver (it's only halftime hopefully it continues), I decided I really want to go to the game Friday. Anyone have an extra ticket, front row by the Jazz bench?? Come on, I know you want to take me : )
I'm back...for a short time. So, this was the week of being poked and prodded. I went to a specialist for the other stuff going on, where of course they wanted to run all the blood work again, I then ended up with a nasty bruise on my arm from it. On Friday I had to get the last set of wisdom teeth out. This story is kinda gross, just warning you. So, the second I get in there they take me back (it was on a Friday at 5:00 of course he wanted to go home for the weekend) I sit in the little chair and they put the little napkin thing over me and have me open my mouth. I'm thinking oh he's just using his little mirror to check it out so its safe to open my eyes. Well at that exact moment he had the novacaine shot coming right at me! I started freaking out (well in my head) He then does the other side and I'm scared to open my eyes for fear something scarier will be coming at me. So, he starts pulling on my left side, I feel pressure but not really any pain. Next thing I know his hand slams down on my jaw (maybe not THAT dramatic...) but it just popped right out. Well, then the tooth I could feel in my mouth and he couldn't get it out! I was beyond grossed out and was like get it out, with my mouth full of blood. He tries for the next tooth and I felt a sharp pain. I grabbed his arm and he finally got the hint and stopped. After two more shots of novacaine he tried again. I could still feel it, not too bad but I didn't want anymore shots so I just grabbed the chair. Well again, it finally popped out and the tooth was in my mouth. Luckily this time he got it easier. I was in and out in 20 minutes. Luckily, Lidia was there to take my home (I could have driven myself but after giving myself a panic attack I was so shaky and grateful for the company) All in all I"m doing pretty good. I've had to take minimal pain meds, just ibuprofen and my biggest complaint has been a constant headache I've had. I hope I don't have to go to any more doctors for a long long time. And one good thing I'm done with the wisdom teeth. Only a few more days of soft foods and I'll be good as new!
After a lot of thinking, I've decided to do this post. Even though he may read it (although I'm very doubtful) I feel this will start giving me some sense of closure. Before you all get too confused (although most everyone who I know reads this already knows) Cameron told me he can't pictures his life without his ex-girlfriend in it. I found out Thursday night, I was mad, beyond mad. Then Friday came and I got sad (I cried at work again, I really need to get out of that habit) I feel like since Thursday up to now I've been through every emotion possible. I've never really been through this before and quite honestly it sucks. It's interesting for a few months now I've been saying I just don't see it working out with us and it was almost like my mind was slowly preparing me for it to happen, I think I just thought it'd be me to have to do it. I was completely blindsided when he told me the reason. And I know in the end it all works out. I probably had to go through this all for a reason, but that doesn't make it any better. Many of you I'm sure have noticed I've been a bit anti-social. I'm trying I really am, but I really just feel like being closed off for a bit and I promise if there's anything I need, I know where to go.
I could have gotten really creative and come up with a scheme to trick everyone, but I just didn't have the brain power. I could have also done something really obvious that was a joke like I'm engaged or I'm eloping tomorrow or something, but who are we kidding you all wouldn't believe that. So, I will leave it at this, Happy April Fool's Day. I also pinky swore with Sam last night I wouldn't do anything to her or I'd warn her if I knew anything would happen. I considered the typical stuff like put an elastic over the sink sprayer so when she turned it on it would squirt her among other things, but decided it wasn't worth the trouble because I'd probably forget about it and end up getting myself. Onto a completely different topic I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. In another month it'll be a year since I graduated. And true recent graduates aren't expected to be presidents of companies quite yet, but I feel like I'm in idle mode. My entire life has been geared towards working to the next goal. In high school it was working to get to college. In college it was working hard to get scholarships, then to graduating. Now that I"m out, I feel I'm taking the easy, float along path. Sure, I'm not a couch potato (except for the fact I got home at 6:15 tonight, started dinner, was in pajamas by 6:30, fixed a plate, sat down at the couch by 6:45 with my food and a movie and currently sitting here still just with a Diet Coke) I mean I at least have a job, go to Church and try to be an active part of society at times ex. sorority, the caucus meeting (yeah I'm not doing volunteer work in Africa, but its a start) But besides all that, nothing. I had planned to get my Master's. In reality I'd need to set those plans in place now to be there next school year. I'd have to retake the GRE, decide what program, get letters of recommendation things that take months of preparation, yet what am I doing...watching Friends and Facebook stalking people. I know this is getting repetitive, I'm more or less just sorting out in my mind what I should be doing or goals I should be working at. Maybe grad school isn't for me, but I need to be actively making myself a better person. Get more involved, more charity work, more involved with Church. Even though sitting wrapped in a blanket on the couch by 6:30 every night isn't good, I know its not my life calling and I need to try a little harder to be a little better.
