After a lot of thinking, I've decided to do this post. Even though he may read it (although I'm very doubtful) I feel this will start giving me some sense of closure. Before you all get too confused (although most everyone who I know reads this already knows) Cameron told me he can't pictures his life without his ex-girlfriend in it. I found out Thursday night, I was mad, beyond mad. Then Friday came and I got sad (I cried at work again, I really need to get out of that habit) I feel like since Thursday up to now I've been through every emotion possible. I've never really been through this before and quite honestly it sucks. It's interesting for a few months now I've been saying I just don't see it working out with us and it was almost like my mind was slowly preparing me for it to happen, I think I just thought it'd be me to have to do it. I was completely blindsided when he told me the reason. And I know in the end it all works out. I probably had to go through this all for a reason, but that doesn't make it any better. Many of you I'm sure have noticed I've been a bit anti-social. I'm trying I really am, but I really just feel like being closed off for a bit and I promise if there's anything I need, I know where to go.
I could have gotten really creative and come up with a scheme to trick everyone, but I just didn't have the brain power. I could have also done something really obvious that was a joke like I'm engaged or I'm eloping tomorrow or something, but who are we kidding you all wouldn't believe that. So, I will leave it at this, Happy April Fool's Day. I also pinky swore with Sam last night I wouldn't do anything to her or I'd warn her if I knew anything would happen. I considered the typical stuff like put an elastic over the sink sprayer so when she turned it on it would squirt her among other things, but decided it wasn't worth the trouble because I'd probably forget about it and end up getting myself. Onto a completely different topic I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. In another month it'll be a year since I graduated. And true recent graduates aren't expected to be presidents of companies quite yet, but I feel like I'm in idle mode. My entire life has been geared towards working to the next goal. In high school it was working to get to college. In college it was working hard to get scholarships, then to graduating. Now that I"m out, I feel I'm taking the easy, float along path. Sure, I'm not a couch potato (except for the fact I got home at 6:15 tonight, started dinner, was in pajamas by 6:30, fixed a plate, sat down at the couch by 6:45 with my food and a movie and currently sitting here still just with a Diet Coke) I mean I at least have a job, go to Church and try to be an active part of society at times ex. sorority, the caucus meeting (yeah I'm not doing volunteer work in Africa, but its a start) But besides all that, nothing. I had planned to get my Master's. In reality I'd need to set those plans in place now to be there next school year. I'd have to retake the GRE, decide what program, get letters of recommendation things that take months of preparation, yet what am I doing...watching Friends and Facebook stalking people. I know this is getting repetitive, I'm more or less just sorting out in my mind what I should be doing or goals I should be working at. Maybe grad school isn't for me, but I need to be actively making myself a better person. Get more involved, more charity work, more involved with Church. Even though sitting wrapped in a blanket on the couch by 6:30 every night isn't good, I know its not my life calling and I need to try a little harder to be a little better.
Another week down with another weekend gone even faster :( Overall it was a good week, I had a lot going on during nights, so I didn't have a lot of time for rest. I had to go to the much anticipated traffic school for my ticket. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought, it was just knowing I paid $30 for it and the fact I could think of about 10 other things I'd rather be doing. I also went to my neighborhood Caucus meeting. My dad was elected a county delegate, I was tempted to ask someone to nominate me to like secretary (since you don't really do anything, you just get the title) but decided to let it go to old people :) Work was good minus me having a random mini meltdown for no reason. Luckily Shannon was the only one to see me and I was in control before I totally lost it, I really don't know what to blame, it was just a bunch of stupid little things that added up and I also blame the pill which I started taking this week, hopefully it will cure the other problems that have been going on. It's weird never before has things like that really bothered me. Part of it I think was knowing I would be giving Bella away the next day. Yup, my parents made me do it. I'm still really sad about the matter, but am slowly getting over it by not thinking about it. I also had to go to the dentist for a cleaning where he told me I have to get my top wisdom teeth out soon. If you remember on two separate occasions I've had both my bottom ones out. They became infected and it was just bad. He wants to get the top two out before I have the same problem. I'm really nervous, I hate the dentist more then anything. He says these shouldn't be that bad, but still can it really be any fun?? Besides that, there's nothing really else big to report I could really use a vacation, Cancun is calling to me...
It was a good weekend overall, there were great points and bad points (really the only bad point was being sick Sunday), but overall it would rank as good. I went to another Jazz game with friends, lunch at Nielsens, watched some movies and pretty much just relaxed. I also did a much needed detail job on my car, inside and out. Now hopefully it doesn't rain again soon. I also brought my guitar to my new house. I decided I need to venture out in playing. I know the notes but not really chords, which is opposite of most people. I also need to broaden my horizon on the genres I can play. Yes, church music is lovely, but I want to learn more. Hopefully bringing it here will encourage me to play more. I wanted to start tonight, but decided people probably wouldn't appreciate that at 10:00 on a Sunday night. No worries, I'll keep you all posted when I start a band and make it big :) if you're lucky I'll give you free tickets to my concerts.
I have no real reason to need to vent today other then I just feel like it. In all reality today was ok for a Monday, I wouldn't call it a great day but it wasn't bad either. Well, for whatever reason I feel like venting so here goes with a list of things that annoy me lately...
