KayCee Burnside: August 2010

PS I’ve debated using real names in this post, since it truly did happen and most of you would probably figure out the names anyway (or ask me) I’ve decided to use them. I also have decided not to go through and edit it, sorry if there’s too many errors and it becomes difficult to read.

Wow, where to even begin this post. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for quite awhile, but it just never seemed the right time. I think I’m now at a place in life where I’m completely over the things that transpired, for a long, long time I felt I couldn’t say anything relating to that on here because certain people were not worth my time or energy to even worry about anymore. Well, I still feel the same way, however, I know things were said about me and since I never had the opportunity to defend myself, I’ll use this to share my side of the story (as I’ve said all along, I’m not taking the blame completely off me). And I realize the people it directly related to probably don’t read this anymore, but maybe for certain people who’ve heard the story, maybe partly true and not so true things about it, blog stalk me (cause, well I blog stalk people I’m sure they’d be shocked to know about…) Anyway, I’m sure some of you are dying to know what I’m talking about and others may have guessed it by now. I’ll just start the story from where I think things initially started down the wrong path.

I’m going to start with a background. I was born and raised at a house in Taylorsville because my mom worked full time me and my sisters would stay with my Grandpa at a house in Murray. My parents decided it would be easiest to just put us in school there, so that’s what we did. We all made friends, after my grandpa died, when I was going into junior high they decided to switch to a school closer to our house. I never could really get into it, something always felt off like I was in the wrong place. So, my junior year of high school after talking to them, they let me transfer to Murray where I was back with my friends. That’s a little bit of our background, now I’ll pick up where everything started to happen.

I started a new job working anywhere from 25-35 hours a week (timeline is around beginning of the year 2008, I was in my junior year of college), just finished an internship where it was roughly 15 hours a week and full time school (I can’t remember the credit hours probably 15). It started to drain me out, but I still wanted to be social and hang out with my friends. We mostly would congregate at Amanda’s house, which was fine it’s how it usually was. Staci was generally there, she had moved back from school, Maranda and Eileen. I was the only one working and going to school the majority of the time, each of them only had part time school or work. As things started to go along I usually could only get together on the weekends or an occasional weeknight, where they were usually together all the time, even during the day. They would call me, I just couldn’t miss class or work. When I would go over since I wasn’t always there, it was hard to catch up on things or for example they would always play rock band. Since I was barely playing it I wasn’t very good, when I would try I would lose for them and feel dumb so I’d end up not playing anyway and just sit there while they did it.

Anyway, Amanda started dating a few different guys she’d meet off the internet. I did the internet dating thing too for awhile so it wasn’t like I was judging her or anything. But one in particular she let things go a little too far with. I felt she always looked to guys because she lacked confidence. She felt oh if they want to kiss me that must mean boys like me. Well, things definitely started changing after that. One particular instance I remember she picked me up one night to go either for ice cream or a drink or something. We hung out for awhile talking then she said she needed to go home. Later that night I was in bed and got a call from her dad asking if I was still with her. I wasn’t of course and said she had dropped me off several hours before, this made me very upset because she was using me as an excuse. I never really liked this particular guy, I felt he was just using her. I think he was, I can’t exactly remember what happened, but I know soon after he had a new girlfriend.

Soon after this she started hanging out with someone new, again from the internet. At this point I was pretty much done with the internet thing. I will tell this side of the story and I’m sure its where they blame me for things going bad. I had a friend I met off the internet, we never dated though. His name is Joed (as a side note he’s engaged now and I still keep in contact with him and his girlfriend) Anyway, we all would occasionally hang out, he worked a lot and lived in Provo, so sometimes it was hard. It was rare just me and him would hang out, but once in awhile. One night we all decided to go to a movie. We wanted to see a certain one, we got there and would have been maybe 5 minutes late going into it, the time of previews right. Well Amanda threw this huge fit, we wanted to go to another one, but someone we just decided to go back to her house to watch one. At this point I was frustrated and just wanted to go home. As a side note they would regularly make fun of me. It was usually for little things, but I’m not one to become defensive about it. I know that’s what their intentions were to egg me on, but at times they went too far with it. I remember thinking I didn’t want to go back and have that happen again. Joed and I ended up just going home and not even doing anything. But again I think this is where they would begin to blame me, because of him when really it was that I didn’t want to be around people who were rude to me. Another instance I remember telling Maranda and Amanda I just bought my MacBook. They were both like why would you do that, that’s so dumb, why would you even need an Apple. I was like umm that’s my major, every program I use like FinalCut, is better on an Apple. I think they were just jealous they didn’t work hard for something they wanted.

Again, I’m not quite sure on timeline I believe this was around December of 2007 Amanda started dating a new guy. I did not like him at all from the beginning. I honestly couldn’t tell you what it was, I just didn’t trust him (again after she had dated the other guy who was just using her) he was also a little younger and he wasn’t very nice to me either. I did try a few times, I remember one example we all went ice skating together. Well, again things happened, like right after they met too. I went to our other friends and asked them what they thought of him. I never said anything about what I knew between them, but only if they liked him or not. I never meant to talk behind her back or start rumors, it was truly out of concern. Well, they went back to her and told her what I had asked. I remember one night she called me just freaking out about how I went behind her back and what not. I said I was sorry, I didn’t mean it in that way. Well, things sort of smoothed over. Looking back on it now because I was the only one who knew how far things went with him she didn’t want me spreading that to everyone else, which I never did. One time she even had me go to the pharmacist with her to get a morning after pill, I didn’t like what she was doing and I didn’t like the guy, but I was there for her as a friend. Well, a month or so after that I got a text from Maranda asking if I’d heard from Amanda that day, I said I hadn’t. I remember it was a Saturday and I was at a family dinner at my grandparents house. She said she was worried about her, she hadn’t heard from her all day and everytime she’d text her in the mornings she was sick. This was like red flag thinking she’s trying to get me to tell her I bet she’s pregnant. I never had told any of them what Amanda talked to me about, so of course I’d never say oh maybe she’s pregnant. Anyway, she said she was going to call her and see if she could get a hold of her. I kept thinking something was off, it was just too weird for her to ask if I’d heard from her all day and then tell me how’s she been sick in the mornings when she calls. So when I was done at my grandparents I decided to drive by Amanda’s house and see. Everyone was there. I was so mad because I knew it was planned. Looking back I think Amanda was doing it on purpose and had Maranda text me on purpose to pretend she was pregnant, she would tell all of them of course there’s no way I could be, but if I went to talk to them anymore they would think I’m just saying it because I didn’t like her new boyfriend. Back to the story, so first I had my dog with me so I couldn’t go inside, second I was so mad I didn’t want to say something I’d regret. I did text Maranda and told her I saw her at Amanda’s house and knew she was there the entire time, because she had just sent me a text like 5 minutes before saying she still hadn’t heard from her. I can’t remember exact details of this night, but Amanda started texting me too. They were asking why I wasn’t coming over, I didn’t want to go over there since I was mad and knew I’d say something I’d regret. Amanda then started texting me and I believe Eileen did too somewhere in there. Someone eventually told me Amanda was pregnant, I think Maranda. I still did not believe her, I think she was just saying that to get me to tell her what I knew. Anyway, over the course of the next couple days everyone started texting me (I felt like we were back in high school) they were saying what a bad friend I was and how I should have been there for her. I explained my side that I knew Maranda lied and I didn’t want to be around her that night, she did later apologize for it. Finally, I apologized and said sorry I was not there I know it would be hard, but I just couldn’t be there first because of the family thing, then because of Maranda (and I had the dog in the car so I wasn’t going to stop) I remember Eileen saying she took her to the doctor on Saturday morning, first what doctor is open then for that and then she said I should have been there. I was like Amanda didn’t let me know she needed me there, I had no idea, she said well you should have just known. I honestly laughed thinking ok I’m not psychic. I wanted to put it all behind us and try to get over it, so finally I apologized. Amanda sent me this text using all sorts of colorful language saying what a horrible person I was (I still have them if any of you want to read it) and I should have been there, I’m a terrible friend and she could never forgive me. She also said she lost the baby and it was my fault for the stress I caused. Well, she “lost” the baby like 3 days after she found out she was pregnant, it doesn’t happen that fast and I knew she wasn’t ever pregnant. She did apologize the next day for how she said it but she said she still meant it. I finally was like ok, I’ve apologized for not being there what more can I do, she said nothing its unforgiveable, so I said ok and decided I had lost my friends. At this point I still would have been civil or willing to work things out if we tried a few months down the road. However, this was right after I started this blog I noticed a comment saying to visit their blog. It said some of the most hurtful things about me I’ve ever read. What gave it away and I knew it was them, was they used their initials for the title. I told my family and friends to look at it, they did and left some comments, the next day it was deleted. I saved a word document of what it said. I couldn’t believe they went this low and were just so hurtful. I decided at this point they weren’t worth my time or energy.

About 6 months later I started receiving threatening texts on my phone. They were local numbers and said my address, name and they were coming to get me that night. They said I better be careful and watch out that night. I was scared of course, in the back of my mind I thought it possibly could be them. They said it was Andrew, I had met a guy in Park City (he got my number off my car, I never physically met him) So I thought maybe it was him stalking me or something. I tried calling the number and they wouldn’t answer. I finally filed a police report to see if they could do anything. My dad after calling all night, finally had someone answer where we found it was a phone in a store at the mall. With the police we got permission to view the security cameras and see who it was. We found out it was Staci and Maranda. My dad really wanted to file charges, I did not because I was pretty certain they would never harm me. We never did, but the police did call them. A couple months later my car was egged. It was done over a Saturday night and we didn’t see it until Sunday morning after the sun had baked down on it. It permanently ruined my paint when we washed it off. We called the police again, obviously we couldn’t prove anything. Well, that’s the last big things that’s happened. I hope they’ve grown up and realized how stupid their actions were.

This is what I’d say to them if I could. I know you guys think you went through such a hard time and I don’t deserve to be friends with you. I finally am turning it back on you. How do you think I felt that entire time? In all honesty, I’m in such a better place now. I have friends that don’t make fun of me for every little thing. I was able to forget about all the drama and 100% focus on my education, getting done much faster then I ever hoped. I got closer to my family, for a long while I was quite the loser spending most of my time at home. I also became a better person overall. I was the one who realized the meaning of true friends, I realized how painful gossip is. Honestly, I hope to never see any of you again. Sadly since we went to the same high school, had a lot of the same friends and still live in the same city (as far as I’m aware) it’s caused me to be careful of my actions. I don’t think I’ll be able to go to any high school reunions. It has also ruined my reputation with a lot of people. Your families, I know you didn’t tell the real story to. I have no idea what you’ve said of why I suddenly disappeared, but it was four of you compared to me, so even if they didn’t think it was in my character they’d have to believe you because I didn’t want to be around you anymore to defend myself, honestly you became not worth it. Going back to what I was saying at the beginning. For a long, long time you weren’t worth my time thinking about this. Now though I’m ready to finally tell my side of the story, I’m not saying it was all your fault and not mine. I know there were a lot of communication problems and misunderstandings on both sides. I didn’t write this even expecting any of you to read it, but more for my own good, knowing the big picture what happened was not my fault. I tried to work things out, but there was only so much I can take. My last straw was reading that website about me, I couldn’t believe someone could be that cruel, let alone four of you. I’m glad I realized the type of people you became before I followed in your path.

Like I said before, in a way I consider it a blessing in disguise. A lot of them were heading in directions I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t imagine the place I’d be if I still associated with them.

KayCee Burnside

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